Man Bites Blog

@Jaysonst tweets:

Is there ANYTHING about the NFL playoffs that’s better than the MLB playoffs?

Oh, let me count them:

• The game played bears a passing resemblance to the game played during the regular season.
• The time between games is generally the same as they are in the regular season.
• The games all end before my regular bedtime.
• Weather does not generally wreak havoc on the schedule.
• There has been more than one close NFL playoff game in the past two years.
• All games are on network TV.
• All games are not taking place while I’m at work.

Stark’s full article is behind the firewall, but even as a Phillies fan, if I had to rank the last two Super Bowls and World Series in rank order, it’s pretty clear the two World Series would occupy the #3 and #4 spot. Off the top of my head the last two NFL playoffs (plus this one) have featured:

• The Jets’ upset of the Chargers yeterday.
• The Cardinals-Packers OT game last week.
• The Steelers-Cardinals Super Bowl, featuring an amazing game-winning catch coming right after Larry Fitzgerald’s touchdown.
• The Giants beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl after with David Tyree’s catch.
• The Giants-Packers OT NFC Championship Game

Now, I am a fan of the one team to take part in both of the last World Series, and these are my memories of the last two postseasons:

• Jimmy Rollins’s game-winning double in Game 4 of the NLCS this year.
• Shane Victorino and Matt Stairs’s home runs in Game 4 of last year’s NLCS.
• David Price shutting down the Red Sox in Game 7 of the ALCS.

Yes, I’m cheating a bit by spanning 3 NFL postseasons and 2 MLB postseaons, but what do you remember about the 2007 MLB postseason? Can you name who won without looking it up? Thought so.

Of course, I enjoyed watching the Phillies win the World Series last year, but I can’t deny that was one ugly World Series.

The NFL postseason may not be perfect, but baseball fans shouldn’t start crowing.

I think it is a real problem that a significant number of NFL teams had no incentive to win their last few games, and some even had an incentive to win.

In addition to the competitive unfairness of a team like the Jets rallying to claim a playoff spot by defeating two teams that weren’t trying very hard to win, the league is leaving a lot of excitement on the table. Imagine if the Colts went into yesterday’s snow game in Buffalo needing to win to claim an undefeated season. Wouldn’t it have been dramatic to see them try to do it? But instead we got the second edition of the Curtis Painter Follies.

It seems we’re running against a few immovable objects:

• Football is a physically draining and dangerous game.
• Champioships are the most important metric.
• There’s a limit to how much you can advantage regular season success and still have a suspenseful playoff.

So, one ham-fisted idea might be that, in addition to home field advantage, the team with the higher regular season win total gets the starts with a number of points equal to the difference in wins between them and the other team. Or give some other advantage. But the league needs the playoffs to be suspenseful, and loading up advantages for better teams runs against that.

In essence, by resting their regulars, the very good teams are claiming an advantage that the league cannot give them. (Or at least they are trying to, since the teams that have followed this strategy haven’t always been successful). They get to rest their regulars, whereas other teams have to keep fighting for their spots and positions.

So, here’s my idea:

• Split the season into two eight-game halves.
• If a team wins the division in both halves, it gets into the playoffs with a first round bye.
• If different teams win the halves, they play each other in the first round. Home field advantage goes to the team with the better overall record.
• Remaining rounds in the playoffs proceed as normal.

Currently, there are 12 playoff teams. Under this scenario there could be 8, 10, 12, or 16 teams. And I think that it would increase each team’s incentives to win any given regular season game.

Some possible problems:

• Shorter season makes for more ties in standings. This has an easy remedy — first tiebreaker is overall record.
• Bye weeks are such that some teams would finish first half before others. I’m sure the bye-weeks could be front-loaded.
• Variance in schedule strength magnified over shorter schedule. Sort of a problem, but not a huge one, and it would mostly even out for teams in the same division.
• TV contracts are based on a fixed number of playoff games. This could be remedied by adding a condition that if there are more than two divisions in a conference for which one team wins both halves, there would be additional teams added to the field using the wild card rules to bring the total for the conference up to six, and they would play the division winners with the lowest overall record(s).
• Possible team with best overall record would not qualify for the playoffs. This is what happened when Major League Baseball adopted a similar scheme around the 1981 strike, and both the Reds and Cardinals had the best overall record in their divisions, but did not win either half, and thus missed the playoffs. With fewer games, this is less likely, but still possible, and since the whole point is to increase the significance of regular season games, this is a problem.
• Additional benefit to teams in weak divisions. The Arizona Cardinals had the worst record among division winners, but would have qualified for a bye under this system, whereas the Cowboys would not.
• Possible it would just move this problem around. If a team starts 1-3 in a division with a 4-0 team, they could pack it in for the next four games so they could come out charging to win the second half.

The last three problems seem like the most damning. Maybe there’s a tweak that could mitigate them.

Anyway, schemes like this seem to be a hallmark of failing leagues, and there’s probably a reason none of the major leagues tried it after the 1981 baseball experiment. But I thought I’d throw it out there.

One of the hot sports discussions in recent weeks is how the Indianapolis Colts, and until last week’s loss to the Cowboys, New Orleans Saints.

This week’s BS Report with Bill Simmons and Chuck Klosterman is a good example of that. Simmons, sorely remembering the experience of the 2007 Patriots, think the Colts’ likely approach of resting their regulars is the proper approach, whereas Klosterman thinks the Saints’ approach of going for the undefeated season is the way to go.

I’m with Klosterman. The unexamined assumption behind Simmons’s position is that “what a team should do” = “what maximizes the chances that the team will win a championship,” which is consistent with the mainstream of sports commentary, but may not best way to think about things.

From a fan’s perspective, the best games are those where both teams are trying desperately to win. The product that the NFL and all other leagues are promoting is competitive sports. Since about half the teams in the NFL are eliminated from the playoffs, and another handful are locked in to their playoff positions, only a few teams can change their chances of winning a championship in the final three games of the year. So, probably half the games this weekend “don’t matter” and there are other games where it is in a team’s interest to lose. This is a less than optimal outcome, and suggests that the incentives are out of aligned with the best behavior.

This is unfair from a player’s perspective as well. Michael Irvin said, “I would turn in all three Super Bowls and my Hall of Fame bust for one undefeated season,” to much scorn and derision. But I believe him. Who talks about Irvin’s championship teams today? Ironically, I suspect more people talk about the team they thumped for two of their Super Bowl victories, the Buffalo Bills who appeared in four consecutive Super Bowls (and lost them all).

The best team of this decade was the 2007 Patriots. In twenty years, people will be talking about the 2007 Patriots. Nobody will be talking about the 2008 Steelers, or 2007 Giants, or 2006 Colts.

In our careers, we all want to make the greatest positive impact possible. In sports, typically the most straightforward way is to win a championship. But it’s not the only way.

One point Simmons makes is that teams should not try to go undefeated because it adds to the pressure of each game, and each week is the Super Bowl for the opposing team. To my mind, this increases the appeal of going undefeated. Years later, people can say that everyone was gunning for them and they still won every game.

The Colts have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue a historic accomplishment. If they don’t go for it, they will regret it, even if not going for it helps them win a championship this year.

And I think we as fans should take a wider view of sports accomplishment than just championships.

• Note from an Eagle fan to Jerry Jones — Did you notice that Larry Fitzgerald, a “great” wide receiver who handles himself with honor and grace on and off the football field, lost the Super Bowl yesterday?  The lesson of Fitzgerald’s failure is obvious — you’re not a truly great wide receiver unless you adopt a selfish, team-last attitude, regularly berate your quarterback and offensive coaches, and generally make everything about yourself.  So you need to keep T.O. on the Cowboys, and indulge everything he does.  Fire coaches if they don’t want to put up with T.O.  Get a new QB if Romo can’t coexist with him.  You want to win, don’t you?  Don’t you?  Chad Johnson may also be available.
• We’ve had a streak of several competitive Super Bowl in a row.  It’s hard for me to call yesterday’s “great” because of all the penalties, but the Super Bowl was the most compelling game of the year, for the second straight year.  How can baseball make this happen?
• Was Bob Costas sitting on that chair?  It appeared to be about a foot behind him.
• I wish there were more talking heads in the post-game show.  It would have been good to get a former place kick holder’s perspective, which was noticably absent from NBC’s panel.
• It seemse like punching a guy when he’s down should result in more than a one foot penalty.  I hope that foot was the reason the Cardinals got the safety.
• And no, Al Michaels, the aforementioned penalty was not “huge.”  You made a mistake.  No need to keep digging rather than admit it.  We’ve been listening to you for 30 years.  We’ll forgive you this one.
• I’m glad that NBC put Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann on the field with Tiki Barber and Jerome Bettis before the game.  It’s not like these guys have been employed to be on TV all year.  They need supervision.

• Hard to be too upset about the Eagles’ loss to the Cardinals.  Philly’s gotten its championship for the year already, and the Eagles beat the hated Cowboys and Giants on their way to lose to a likable Cardinals team.
• Sports fans and writers like to complain about how coaches screw up review challenges time outs, two-point conversions, and other things.  But what really matter is whether he can get the players to play for him.  And Andy Reid has done that for the last ten years.
• Which is partly why I love the Rams’ choice of Steve Spagnulo.  Defense is the way to go.  The last thing the Rams  needed was an offensive X’s and O’s nerd like Jason Garrett.  A tough defense with an attitude in a dome full of screaming fans is the Rams’ shortest path to respectability.
• Of the major college and pro sports, it does seem that the NBA playoffs do the best job of identifying the objectively best team as the champion.  College football has the BCS.  In the NFL, we have the Cardinals in the Super Bowl this year, the Giants winning it last year, and the Steelers winning it two years ago.  The NCAA tournament is famous for its upsets.  The MLB playoffs are a bit of a crapshoot, and radically different from regular season baseball.   The Stanley Cup playoffs are a test of endurance, but have also identified some pretty underwhelming champions.

  Bu in my life time, it’s hard to think of a real clunker of an NBA champion.  The Rockets won thier second championship as a six seed, but they were repeating.  Some great teams have gotten knocked out early, but there haven’t been any 2003 Marlins among the champions.

• That said, I think the Cardinals today are a much better team than what we saw from them in the regular season.  Sometimes things just click together for a team, and it seems to have happened for the Cardinals.

• Happy to see the Eagles won, though a little nervous about next week. Boiled down to three big plays — the punt return, Samuel’s interception return and Westbrook’s screen.  Maybe add in the fumbled shotgun snap.  I think they’ll have to do better than that to beat the Giants next week.
• Not so happy to see Matt Millen in the NBC Studio.  Does NBC just hire whoever come on the market?  This is like seeing the Lehman Bros. CEO on CNBC.
• The punting was a huge factor in the Colts-Chargers game.  As was the officiating.
• Speaking of which, I guess Ed Hochuli recovered enough of his reputation to get the nod for the Ravens-Dolphins game.
• It’s always good to see Kurt Warner doing well.
• In spite of the glut of football, I miss having the Sunday night game.
• I think it was warmer here in St. Louis than it was in San Diego during last night’s game.
• If the Vikings go into next year with Teveras Jackson and Gus Ferrotte as their quarterbacks, they will have seriously jilted their fans.

• I think it would be funny if the Senate Democrats’ threat not to “seat” Blagojevich’s nominee was literal — that he would get to be a Senator, but just wouldn’t have a chair to sit in, and would have to stand.  It also puts me in mind of the Seinfeld episode where the four spend the entire episode waiting to be seated at a Chinese restaurant.  He’d be sitting in the lobby while Joe Biden calls out the names of all the other Senators and brings them to their tables.
• I don’t know that Jim Haslett should be fired, but if I were Billy Devaney, I wouldn’t let things like the players’ petition get in the way if the right coach is available to implement the chosen strategy. If such a coach isn’t available, they could do worse than Haslett (e.g. the previous coach).
• Even for a non-Philly sports fan, this was a great sports year — one of the best Super Bowls ever, an overtime NCAA final, an epic NBA Finals match-up (even if the actual Series was a dud), Tiger Woods winning a 90 hole US Open right before getting seaon-ending knee surgery, the Nadal-Federer match, which may go down as the best tennis match ever, Padraig Harrington closing down the remaining two finals, an Olympics that featured an eight gold medal winner, a hard-fought victory from the US basketball team, and a gutty victory from the US (court) volleyball team, and a rousing US Ryder Cup Victory.  Add in typically thrilling NFL and college football seasons, and you’ve got a hell fo a year.

  The BCS Championship Game and the baseball postseason were both duds.  And I have to strain my memory to recall who won the Stanley Cup. (the Red Wings)

  But as Joe Buck might get paid to say, the 2008 sports year delivered everything you could ask for and then some.

Or at least my memory. 

The Phillies win the World Series, and the Eagles end the year winning a mutual win-or-go-home game against the Cowboys 44-6. 

The Sixers and Flyers both made playoff runs.  Not much from the college basketball teams, but probably as good as one can ask for.

44-6.  I just enjoy seeing that.

There’s been a lot of discussion about Malcolm Gladwell’s article drawing a parallel between the difficulty in identifying good NFL quarterbacks and the difficulty in identifying good teachers.  Most has been about the validity of the particular parallel.

Closer to my heart, I think there is a very strong parallel to identifying good software engineers.

The quarterback narrative looks at QB Chase Daniel, who has been very successful in the “spread” offense at Missouri.  Does that mean he will be a good NFL quarterback?  Maybe, maybe not.  Daniel is fiercely competitive, and makes good decisions.  But the conventional wisdom is that the “spread” offense wouldn’t work in the NFL.  Would Daniel thrive in a more conventional offense?  It’s hard to tell, and QB’s taken with early draft picks have a success rate around 50%.

Coaches put in sytems like a “spread” offense in part to mitigate the unevenness of talent at the college level.  You can’t count on having an elite quarterback, especially at a school like Missouri that doesn’t have the same recruiting pull as a school like USC or Oklahoma.  Better to have a system that is not dependent on having elite talent, or is based on talent that is currently undervalued.

This puts a definite floor on how bad the team can be, but it also puts a ceiling on how good it can be.  Mizzou beats up on the Baylors and Iowa States of the world, but they get blown out by Oklahoma and Texas, who have NFL-type talent on defense.

This doesn’t meant that Daniel lacks talent, or that anyone can be a “spread” quarterback.   But the system limits what Daniel can exhibit.

We’ve tried to do something similar with computer science.  We were faced with a problem — fewer graduates than industry was demanding.  People found programming intimidating, were scared off by the possiblity of offshore outsourcing, and were not pursuing computer science degrees.   And those that did were from a narrow demographic — very few non-Asian minorities or women.

So we tried to make things simple for the students, similar to how coaches tried to make the offense simple for the players and the quarterback.  Out went C and C++, in came Visual Basic and Java.  Students could get their first program up and running in a matter of minutes.  No need to write your own data collections, memory management, or user interface — the API will take care of that for you.

Then these students came to work, and in a somewhat famous article, Joel Spolsky articulated similar frustrations to what NFL scouts are articulating about quarterbacks.  Not only did these students not have skills that he, as a hiring manager was looking for, they had not even demonstrated the ability to learn these skills.  Could this candidate who’s only developed in Java ever “get” recursion and pointers?   You’d have better luck trying to figure out if Chase Daniel could run an NFL-Style offense.  What to do?

One option is to run the software-engineering equivalent of a spread offense.  Use technologies that make things simple for developers, put in lots of policies and procedures, and limit how much damage a poor developer can do.  Such a system may be sufficient for an IT shop that just wants to get the data in the database and produce reports, but it won’t get to the BCS of software engineering, which is what Spolsky is striving for with FogCreek.

The problem in software developement is more acute than college football.  A college football’s coach’s job is to win football games, and if the clearest path to that is to run something like the spread offense, or Georgia Tech’s Triple Option offense, then they are doing the right thing.  But a computer science program’s task is to prepare the next generation of software engineers.  Simplifying the program may bring in and retain more students, but fails at the basic mission, as some are beginning to notice.

It occurs to me that my opposition to a college football playoff system may stem from a desire for college football to be something that it no longer is (similar to my opposition to Same Sex Marriage).

 I want a college football world where for Texas, beating Oklahoma is a reward in itself, not a talking point to get them into the national title picture.  Where a successful college season is defined by wining your conference or beating your rival.  That half of the good teams can end the season with a win.

Of course, that’s little more than a quaint notion now.  College football is all about the national championship and little else.  If a game has no possible impact on the national championship, it may as well be a preseason scrimmage.  Sure, we’ll pay lip service to “traditional games” like Army-Navy or Cal-Stanford, but only if they don’t compete with games with national title implications.

It seems ironic that this would be the case given the large amounts of media attention to sports these days.  One would think this would result in more attention to be available for non-championship teams.  But as we know, the result has been intense coverage of the Yankees, Brett Favres, TO’s, Plaxico Burresses, and Kobe Bryants of the world.  And in college football, this means intense coverage of teams and games involved in the national title picture.   The games are in prime time on ABC.  College GameDay shows up.  The players are interviewed all over.

So when the University of Texas argues for its place in the BCS standings, it is arguing for its own relevance, and it’s hard to blame them or their fans.  In fact, by establishing the BCS, college football has acknowledged the primacy of identifying a national champion, which makes the inadequacies of the system that much more infuriating.

The same thing happens in other arenas.  For most people, the least impactful vote they made was their vote for president, but it was also the vote they were most informed of.  Local municipalities pass laws seizing property for eminent domain, but we don’t pay attention until it gets to the Supreme Court.

I suppose the media is only doing what we’re demanding, but this hyper-focus on #1 has some bad effects.

• Good to see Brett Favre going to New York, where he’ll finally get some media attention.  Hey, Peter King is right down the street.
• I am a firm believer that good starting pitchers are more valuable than relief pitchers, and that many “bad bullpens” are a result of starters not eating up enough innings.
  Thus, when Adam Wainwright returns, he should go into the starting rotation. 
• Look for my ode to sports fandom soon at quiblit.com

It seems like the ultimate poetic justice moment would have been if after Belichick jogged off the field, and a few Patriots ambled onto the field for the final kneel-down snap, if intead of kneeling down, Eli rose up, and fired the ball deep to Plaxico Burress for the ultimate “Eff you” touchdown.

That wouldn’t have been great sportsmanship, but it would have been something we would always remember.

Barring something really strange, like Tom Brady Eli Manning getting knocked out early in the game, I don’t see how why the Giants ^can’t stay in this game. My prediction is 38-14 Patriots 17-14 Giants.

–

Nights like tonight are why I watch sports.  I find I increasingly enjoy the postgame celebrations.  Especially in football, where there are real sacrifices made to win.  Watching Plaxico Burress break down in the post game interview was something.

What went wrong with the Patriots?  I don’t know; maybe they peaked to early.  Their last really impressive win (besides the fact that winning all your games is instrinsically impressive)  was over the Bills right after their bye.  Well, maybe the Pittsburgh game.

I think the week off did not play to their advantage.

Part of the tragedy of last week’s Cowboys-Packers game being on national television was that many of us fans were denied another three hours of discussion of how great Brett Favre is by the announcers.   Some uf us may have forgotten that Favre is thirty-eight years old(!), having fun again, his teammates love playing with him, he’s a dream to coach, etc.

Recognizing the void in Favre praise, Sports Illustratated has stepped up and named Brett Favre its Sportsman of the year. 

This issue will be handy if the media ever goes another 10 minutes without praising Favre.  We can refer to this package to remind ourselves how great he is.

Lots to say, so we’re going to go below the fold… Read the rest of this entry »

Fumbling The Point

In last week’s TMQ column, Gregg Easterbrook quoted Tiki Barber that the secret of Adrian Peterson’s success was that he ignores tacklers and focuses on the goal. Sounds great!

What neither Barber nor Easterbrook mentioned is that this likely a characteristic of a rookie running back. There was one play in which Peterson lunged for extra yards and fumbled the ball. Ignoring tacklers and focusing on the goal line will have that result occasionally. Those are big, fast guys, and they can put a hurtin’ on ya, as Peterson will continue to learn.

Barber himself had a reputation as a fumbler early in his career, which is partly why he was not the Giants’ sole feature back until late in his career, and Ron Dayne and Brandon Jacobs got a lot of important carries.

Of course, when you run for 296 yards, nobody gives a damn about one fumble. But he’s not going to run for 290 yards every week. A guy who runs for 200 yards and fumbles once is an exciting player. A guy who run for 90 yards and loses a fumble may be a liability.

I predict that Peterson will go through a similar fumbling crisis, and emerge from it a more careful, (and, alas, less exciting) runner.

Can You Top This?

Bill Simmons must be on some quixotic mission to be as obnoxious as possible while maintaining his reader base. That is the only plausible explanation for last Friday’s column on the Pats-Colts game.

Simmons managed to combine the most annoying characteristics of fans of good teams (gloating) and fans of bad teams(why do these awful things only happen to us?) in one column. Maybe he’ll top it in the Super Bowl by writing about how awful it is that he’s covering the Super Bowl in Phoenix when most of his readers are in places like New Hampshire in February. I’m not sure whether the US or the Boston sports fan base has squandered more good will in the past five years.

A few nuggets:

From the time the movie was released in 1981, I have measured every real-life contest with shady officiating against that Nazis-Allies game. (Important note: Even though it’s a fictional movie, I’ve seen “Victory” so many times during the past 25 years that I now feel like the game actually happened.) So the irony of enduring the Pats-Colts game so close to my umpteenth “Victory” viewing was just too bizarre. In fact, here’s how bizarre it was — while watching “Victory,” I thought to myself, “I hope this isn’t how the Pats game is called tomorrow.”

As it turned out, I wasn’t far off.

So the Patriots faced a situation similar to that of a team of inmates in a Nazi prison camp. And for a second I was afraid Simmons might go overboard.

Also, it’s good that Simmons here acknowledges that he is delusional, in believing that a soccer game in a Nazi prison camp featuring Pele and Slyvester Stallone actually happened. So, at least we have a

And besides, everyone was more interested in making excuses for the Colts (which reminds me, you can play the “Indy really missed Marvin Harrison card” so long as you also mention all the key guys New England was missing in the AFC Championship Game last January)

I don’t think that’s necessary because the AFC Championship Game was a playoff game. The point of mentioning that the Colts missed Harrison is that the Colts may be better than they displayed on Sunday, so the Pats victory doesn’t make the result of a playoff rematch a foregone conclusion. In the playoffs, you are the team that you are. And the Pats were missing “key guys” (whom Simmons fails to name).

I knew the Pats were in trouble less than three minutes into the game, when Aaron Moorehead’s entire left foot landed out of bounds on a first-down catch. Standing 10 feet away from him on either side, two officials improbably decided Moorehead landed inbounds, forcing the Patriots to waste a challenge to overturn a miserable call.

Ah, the first leg of the grand conspiracy — deliberately miss a reviewable call, causing the Patriots to burn their challenges — brilliant! Because as we all know, the Patriots’ success is built on the use of challenges. Without them, they’ll be powerless!

Like the 15-yard “unsportsmanlike conduct” call on Matt Light after Gary Brackett’s interception, of which CBS couldn’t even find a replay (14:04 remaining, fourth quarter).

Which is more likely?

• An offensive lineman got frustrated after an interception and did something stupid. The cameras, having no plausible reason to focus on an offensive lineman after an interception didn’t pick it up.
• The officials made it up on the spot to stick it to the Patriots.

Wait, there’s more! There was the no-call when Rosie Colvin got held while trying to sack Peyton Manning on a crucial third-and-15 that the Colts ended up converting on their last touchdown drive (12:52 remaining, fourth quarter).

So now we’re counting no-calls on holding? Better have a long set of film for that.

Or a pivotal first-and-goal interference call on Randy Moss when he made the mistake of running forward for five yards and turning around, which nearly murdered the Pats because they were trailing by 10 points and suddenly looking at first-and-goal from the 12 with less than nine minutes to play.

Um, I saw that play. It was offensive interference. Just because the officials usually let Moss get away with that doesn’t mean it’s not interference.

(Note: I’d give you the exact times on those last two plays, but both of them were mysteriously deleted from the NFL Network’s official replay of the game. Hmmmmmm.)

Wait — in the previous paragraph Simmons described how during that same replay, officiating head Mike Paeria had a lousy explanation for a bad interference call. But now we’re supposed to expect that they’re sweeping stuff under the rug? Right.

And how could the Patriots or their fans possibly find evidence for this if it’s not in “the NFL network’s official replay?” I guess if it’s not in the “official replay,” it didn’t happen… I guess they’re hoping nobody on the Patriots (who were fined for videotaping) gets a hold of the original broadcast, or a raw game film, or this brilliant cover-up could be foiled.

We haven’t seen homefield advantage work that well since Hitler invaded Russia.

Wait! I thought the NFL and the Colts were the Nazis.  What does Godwin’s law say about this move?

In fact, it passed six of the seven checkmarks on the Fishy Officiating Test. Here are those checkmarks, which I just made up 90 seconds ago:

1. The fans of the team about to get screwed need to worry even before the game, “I hope we win this one handily because there’s no way in hell we’re getting a call.”
2. You need a series of inexplicable calls spread throughout the game.
3. The officiating needs to be so reprehensibly bad that the fans of the team-getting-screwed are calling/e-mailing/complaining/texting each other with comments like, “Oh my God, this is fixed!” midway through the game even before the next few horrendously one-sided calls happen.
4. There needs to be one call (in Sunday’s case, the Samuel call) that makes you flash back to the shady offsides call in “Victory” when the British announcer screams, “The goal has been disallowed! The goal has been disallowed!”
5. The announcers need to openly question what’s happening, as it’s happening, at least three or four times.
6. You need a lingering feeling afterward that something fishy occurred, mainly because there was a clear motive for the biased officiating in the first place.
7. The targeted team needs to lose so its fans will spend the rest of eternity complaining about how they were screwed in the game.

Hmm, almost all of these have more to do with the fan’s response rather than the actual merits of the calls. And if you go into a game with the suspicion you’re going to be screwed, you’re going to spend the game looking for evidence to support that, especially if your team isn’t doing well.

I’ll have more to say about this whole, “it’s OK for the Patriots to be bad sports because they’ve been screwed over” argument elsewhere, but suffice it to say that this attitude has not proven beneficial in other contexts.

One thing I will say — I can see the players and coaches adapting this “eff you” attitude, if it helps them to perform at a higher level. But do the press and fans have to buy into it to? Does this help us appreciate the game more?

The thing is, I usually enjoy Simmons, but the Colts-Patriots rivalry is his kryptonite, and turns him into the most annoying homer fan in the world.

• I’m not convinced Charlie Weis is the worst coach in the universe,  but that loss to Navy was pretty embarassing.In the beginning of the game, Notre Dame appeared to be dominating, were up 7-0, then inexpicably called a rushing fake field goal on 4th and 15, a play only Gregg Easterbrook could love.  The Midshipmen stopped them, then I switched the channel when actual good games came on.

  As I’ve said before, those pointing to the unequal treatment of Weis and Ty Willingham are looking increasingly correct.

• Speaking of the good games, has a network ever gotten a better series of games than CBS has from the SEC in the last several weeks?Florida-LSU, LSU-Kentucky, Kentucky-Florida, Florida-Georgia, and last week’s LSU-Alabama tilt.  All great, close games between good teams with great subplots.  The Pac-10 looks good here, but their games are never on in the Midwest, and the SEC has been terrifically entertaining.
• Can you believe the Patriots lined up and kicked the extra point after they scored their go-ahead touchdown?  That point turned out to be meaningless to the result of the game, and was a transparent attempt to show up the Colts and their classy coach Tony Dungy.  This has to stop.*
• The McNabb-Reid-Brian Dawkins Eagles are dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.  They’ve gotten old, they’re getting pushed around, and can’t hang with the Cowboys and Giants.  Let the rebuilding begin.
• Sunday’s big game showed that the Patriots are not invincible.  If the Colts played a perfect game, they would have won.  So, there will at least be some suspense to the rest of the year.Also, what else does Rodney Harrison have to do to be considered a villain?  The guy ended Trent Green’s season on a hit to the knees in a preseason game, for crying out loud.  He’s always whining to the officials, and is a confirmed drug cheater.  Andre Waters didn’t do half of that, but that didn’t stop him from being a villain.  But today’s announcers treat him like a wise old veteran.

* Yes, I’m kidding.

I thought it would be fun to provide answers to all the (implied unanswerable) questions in Gregg Easterbrook’s TMQ column this week.

The lack of answers leaves several questions hanging out there. Chief among them: Is it possible the Patriots’ tapes showed some evidence of New England cheating in a Super Bowl?

I suppose. Is it possible that that newspaper you just threw out contained some incriminating evidence? Huh?

After Aiello twice declined to say what the Patriots’ materials showed, I heard from him a third time Sunday. He wrote in an e-mail that my assumption the tapes contained indications of Super Bowl cheating is “wrong,” then wrote, “There is no such evidence regarding the Patriots’ Super Bowl victories.” So, is this the denial that I’ve been seeking?

I guess. You and nobody else.

When I pointed that out, Aiello countered that the reason for the destruction was “so that our clubs would know they no longer exist and cannot be used by anyone.” Again, if the sole copies were being held by the league, how could any club use the material?

The idea is to avoid the possibility of impropriety. As long as the leagues has the tapes, the possibility exists that they could be leaked to another team.

If a big American institution such as the NFL is not being honest with the public about a subject as minor, in the scheme of things, as the Super Bowl, how can we expect American government and business to be honest with the public about what really matters?

Not sure if Easterbrook’s ecumenical soup chuch also heard the parable of the dishonest steward last weekend, which ends with Jesus admonishing, “The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones.” That might explain this odd line.

Except its application here is a bit clumsy because we’re not talking about the same people. I could use the same logic to launch a crusade against people saying they enjoyed meals they didn’t really care for. Government officials are accountable to the public. The NFL isn’t. If we don’t like the way the NFL runs its business, we don’t have to watch it.

Kansas City cheerleader Haley is a college student whose fashion personality, according to her team bio, is “classic and trendy.” How can you be classic and trendy simultaneously?

Not sure, but being smokin’ hot probably plays a role.

The Redskins rushed up to the line as if the clock was about to expire, snapping the ball on fourth-and-goal; the team didn’t seem set, the play was discombobulated and the runner crashed into his own blocker, ending the game. Why did Washington hurry the final play? There were 40 seconds on the clock, ample time for a standard huddle.

They were hoping to catch the Giants off-guard. It obviously didn’t work, since the Giants were organized to stop the play, but not a terrible idea.

And why hasn’t there been a big-budget Green Hornet flick?

Interesting point. I always considered the Green Lantern to be one of the cooler superheroes. I guess they had to exhaust Batman and Spiderman first.

What is the story with the 0-3 Rams? Maybe the weak start links to Rams coach Scott Linehan’s preposterously naming nine captains — Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson, Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, La’Roi Glover, Pisa Tinoisamoa, Will Witherspoon, Corey Chavous and Jeff Wilkins

More likely it was the injury to Orlando Pace leading to the entire team playing scared and trying to play offense like the Chicago Bears without a corresponding defense and special teams.

Or it could be having nine captains, I suppose. Having a few extra guys making that initial trek to midfield may add to fatigue….

But when it was Philadelphia leading 49-21 with eight minutes remaining, what the hey was McNabb doing still in the game and still heaving passes? Especially as he’s less than a year removed from a torn ACL.

Not sure what the incremental risk of re-injuring a knee is for an extra quarter of football.

The Eagles needed to win this game, and McNabb needed to establish rhythm with his receivers. There is probably also some code of “respect” with NFL coaches that says that the team ahead doesn’t call off the dogs until the losing team surrenders.

When it was Philadelphia 56-21 with five minutes remaining, what the hey was Jon Kitna doing still in the game and still heaving passes? Especially when he’s just a week from a concussion.

A better question — probably wanting Kitna to leave on a good note.

How long until celebrities construct giant roofs over their swimming pools to frustrate space-based photography?

I’m guessing pretty long.

Trailing 21-17, Seattle had first-and-10 on the Trick or Treats’ 22 with 1:06 remaining. The Seahawks must score a touchdown to win, so where, oh where, might the pass go? Maybe up the field!

Or not. 1:06 is a pretty long time to got 22 yards. The Seahawks had all sorts of options at this point, not quite Hail Mary time.

Come on, Canton, the Canadians can do it, why can’t you?
Because the Mexicans don’t.

How come no one wants to be nicknamed Half-Track Williams?
Would you want to be nicknamed Half-Track Williams?

Washington hadn’t scored in the second half and had gained only 51 yards in the entire half to that point. Why was a blitz needed?

Had the Giants blitzed at all in building up those impressive statistics.

I suspect the blitz was “needed” in an attempt to put pressure on the QB to either sack him or force him into a bad throw.

And what was that color Houston was wearing?
Dark blue

Want to go hiking where nuclear-bomb triggers were made?
Not particularly, I suppose, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to avoid it.

Trailing 30-20 with 3:07 remaining and two timeouts, Atlanta faces fourth-and-goal on the Carolina 6.So do they try for the touchdown, or take a field goal then onside kick, or take a field goal then boom a standard kickoff?
They took the FG and boomed the kick-off. May be defensible, depending on how the defense was playing. The real sin was the defense letting DeSahun Foster pick up three first downs and ice the game. Hard to win that way.

Tight end is the NFL’s most neglected position: endlessly quarterbacks look for wide receivers who are covered by really fast guys when the tight end can go down the seam covered by a linebacker. Will offensive coordinators notice Dallas’ success with tight ends and remember that they, too, have tight ends on the roster?

Oh, I’m quite sure they’re aware, but have two problems:
a.) Their tight ends aren’t as athletic as Jason Witten and thus less effective as pass catchers.
b.) Their tight ends help protect the quarterback, which makes the blitz less effective, as you are aware.

Got a complaint or a deeply held grievance?
A few…

I was not shocked, scandalized, or surprised by the finding that the Patriots used video cameras  to steal the Jet’s defensibe signals. 

As I’ve said before, the Patriots are the ultimate “the system is the star” team.  That their coaches would look for an edge is every place possible is not surprising.

Pats fans will probably point out that the tactical gain was minimal, and the players still had to make the plays of the field, which is true. I’m not looking to take away their Super Bowl trophies.  But I think it’s more complex than the simple advantage of if the Pats knew what the Jets were doing.

There has been this legend surrounding Bellichek over the past seven years that he is some genius coach the likes of which we’ve never seen before.  I think Bellichek is a good coach, but probably not more than a standard deviation above the mean.

But that’s not what’s important.  The important thing is that the players beleieve it.  Unlike baseball, which is a series of one-on-one battles, football is tremendously dependednt on effort and cohesion.  In order for players to exert maximum effort and play together, they must buy into the system.

How do the coaches do this?  By creating a cult of genius around themselves.  By leaking word that they sleep in their offices.  By, as Bill Simmons notes, letting David Halberstam follow you around so he can write a book about how smart you are.  And by bending the rules to give your players an edge.

So if you’re a Patriots offensive linesman, and you’re playing for a coach everyone hails as a genius, who wokrs 100 hour weeks, and he has put himself at some risk by devising a system to figure out the opposition plays so he can pick the ideal play for you, how could you loaf?  Wouldn’t you feel that you have been completely positioned to succeed?

Obviously, this isn’t the only way to do it.  The recent Super Bowl winning coaches — Tony Dungy, Bill Cowher, Bellichek, Brian Billick, Jon Gruden, Dick Vermeil — are all completely different personality types, with different talent bases.

But the videotaping is completely consistent with the way the Patriots win.

Even though my two favorite teams both lost in depressing fashion, it was still a lot of fun to watch NFL football again.

Some observations:

• Contra Bernie Miklasz, the Rams’ problem yesterday was the offense, not the defense.  The way the Rams are constructed, the defense’s job is to slow down the other team, and the offense’s job is to go out and win the game.  The offense has highly paid stars — Isaac Bruce, Torry Holy, Stephen Jackson, Orlando Pace.  The only defensive player the Rams have of that caliber is Leonard Little.If the offense has a string of three and outs, as they did once Orlando Pace went down, this defense is not going to be able to stop a team that is minimally competent offensively, as the Panthers are.  They can’t hold them forever.  They just don’t have the horses.

  For three quarters the defense did its job, and kept the Rams in the game.  The offense didn’t hold up its end.

• Hope everybody’s enjoying watching Peyton Manning play quarterback, because he has mastered the position, and is something to watch.
• Hard to believe the Bears went into another year with Rex Grossman at QB.  I know everybody likes the guy, but at some point the other players are going to tire of busting their butts and losing when he can’t make a play.
• Either the Pats are really damn good, or the Jets aren’t.  Probably both.
• I guess Tony Romo is over that botched hold, huh?